Hawaii

Aloha! Mahalo! Shaka... When I first landed in Oahu I thought, "Oh no". This place is loaded with traffic, just like DC, and they keep saying these corny Hawaiian phrases, "Aloha cousin, mahalo for the tips!". But I'm happy to say my initial sour impressions were probably influenced by the previous 13 hours in planes and airports, and didn't last long. The traffic was a fluke and the Hawaiian locals really seem to be in touch with their culture, and not in a corny, "I'm gonna say this so you think it's cute and buy my stuff" kind of way.

I stayed at the Hilton Hawaiian Village which is a huge complex of hotel towers, shops, restaurants and bars located right on the beach in Waikiki. The property was so big I bet some people never set foot off the grounds during their entire vacation. I was in a nice, cozy little studio in the Lagoon Tower which overlooks the... lagoon.

My room

One of the breakfast areas on the Hilton property

The first night I was there was a test of wills. By 7 o'clock my body was telling me it was 1AM and time to get to bed. But, the Hawaiian's must have been excited that I had arrived so they threw a big party on the beach, including fireworks. I ended up just sitting on the sand alternately watching the ocean and the people walking by.

My second day I was in a rush to get on the beach so off I went, gratuitously lathered in sunblock. My goal was to prevent a fun-prohibitive sun burn on my first day - and it worked! The only problem is now I'm back from a 6 day trip to Hawaii and I've barely got a tan.


One of my favorite things about Hawaii was the weather. I could lay out on that beach all day long (which I did). The temperatures were in the high 80's and there was always a light breeze blowing. Even in the middle of the night it was comfortable in a t-shirt and shorts or a long sleeve and jeans.

In between my naps on the beach I would walk around Waikiki. There are loads of parks and high end retail stores everywhere. Luckily I have no interest in high end retail so my wallet remained closed and in my pocket most of the trip. The parks are great except that the homeless locals seem to like to hang out there (who wouldn't?) and apparently they all sell pot to kids who look just like me. If I was an undercover cop I could have easily made 20 arrests a day. Hmm.... maybe that's how I'll arrange to move there. Anyone have a phone number for the Hawaii police department?

One of the many parks around Waikiki

On my second (or was it my third?) day I decided to get up early and hike up Diamond Head to watch the sunrise. Unfortunately the concierge at the hotel didn't tell me that the park doesn't open until 6AM and the sun is already coming up at that point. The climb to the top of the long dormant volcano, turned military facility, turned tourist attraction is a pretty strenuous .8 miles right up the interior wall of the crater. I wanted to race up as fast as I could but a bus dropped off 4,864 Japanese tourists right in front of me and the trail was jammed all the way up. Two things worked in my favor though... One, I was taller than everyone on Diamond Head that day so I could still take great pictures, even in a crowd. Two, the Japanese set a good pace cause I was having trouble keeping up with Mr. Miagi who was hiking along in front of me with a cane and whistling while I tried to suck in some air and mop gallons of sweat off myself. After topping the 892nd stair on the way up I popped out over the ridge and was treated to some spectacular views.

View from the top of Diamond Head

The observation deck is that tiny white dot on top of the hill to the right.

One of the few TV shows I consistently watch is Lost. As it turns out they film Lost almost entirely on the island of Oahu. Yes!!!! My plan before arriving in Hawaii was to find out where they were filming, meet up with Evangeline Lilly (aka Kate, aka Freckles), profess my undying love, get married on the beach and live happily ever after. But I got stood up so that didn't happen. As a consolation prize I was allowed to take a tour of some of the areas where they film. While it was really cool to stand in the actual locations I'd been seeing on TV for so many years, I couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed.

No sign of Kate anywhere... and I was looking.

One of the other movies/TV shows filmed at Kualoa Ranch.

I rented a car one day and took a drive around the island. It was somehow shocking to me that I could have done the whole drive in a few hours if I'd just kept my foot on the gas. That was not possible however as every 100 yards I felt compelled to pull over, rush out to the beach and take a picture.

Some of the interesting places I saw were:

1. The Dole pineapple plantation. It was still closed when I drove past but... it sure had a lot of pineapples. Yeah...
2. Haleiwa and the Banzai Pipeline. I was totally stoked dude, cause this is a world renowned surf mecca. I was planning to grab some food and sit on the beach watching some sand bums snag gnarly 10 foot waves... Only problem is the water was as calm as a lake. Apparently the swells were coming in from the South side of the island. No wonder I saw so many surfers at my hotel.
   
3. Kawela "Turtle" Bay. This must be where the celebrities live. I'd noticed a lot of typical beach-area housing in Hawaii - you know, kind of small and sand blasted in appearance. Then I came around the bend and BAM, multimillion dollar houses are all over the place, up and down the hills and crowding the beach.
   
4. Kailua Bay - Voted some of the most beautiful beaches in the US and I could see why - bright white sand and clear blue water. I could have hung out there all day.
   
5. Makapu'u Point - There's another cool lighthouse, kind of like at Diamond Head, and a trail leading up and over the hills and around the coast towards it. I wasn't in the mood for another long hike but I took some awesome pictures.
   

For my last night in Hawaii I planned to go to a luau. These Hawaiian's really like to party cause they picked me up from the hotel at 4PM and I didn't get back until 11PM that night! The Paradise Cove luau was great. When you first arrive there are loads of interactive activities and "events" happening every few minutes. The only potential problem was one of the hula girls that was doing the announcing for the events. She'd say, "Gather round cousins, don't be shy" about 15 times per event. At one point I just wandered off down the beach rather than vaulting myself on to the stage where she stood and knocking a few of her perfect teeth down her long, perfect throat. Around sunset the food was made available, buffet style, and I gorged myself. Luckily the stage show was next so I was able to just sit in a half food coma and watch. Hula dancing, fire / knife wielding, singing and some historical storytelling by a HUGE Samoan guy with a flower in his hair: it was an excellent time.

The traditional pig roast at the luau.

On the beach, wandering around Paradise Cove.

Hula dancers..... grrrrrrowl.

Before my flight home I did some serious people watching. I had to check out of my room at 10AM and my flight didn't leave until 5PM so I had plenty of time. By this point I knew the best places to sit and read while observing people milling about. I found a comfortable park bench in the shade of some palms overlooking the beach, perfect.

An older Japanese couple caught my eye. They were dressed very conservatively for the beach; pressed slacks and a short sleeve button down shirt for the man and a floral print dress with thrown-over sweater and wide brimmed hat for the woman. They slowly shuffled out onto the beach holding hands. The man bent down and scooped up some sand and let it sift through his fingers, holding it out to his wife so she could see. Then she did the same. As they continued their slow walk they both stopped and felt the bark on a tall palm tree. After another few ambling steps they stopped again, facing away from me, staring out over the ocean. And that's where they stayed, right in front of me, holding hands and gazing out to sea for the next half an hour without moving a muscle. It made me think that these two old timers had it all figured out. This was the way to really enjoy yourself in a new place; by being still and feeling everything around you. I stayed right on that park bench until it was time to leave for the airport.

Hawaii, it turns out, is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people - who knew? I didn't get to marry Ms. Lilly and I wasn't able to make it to the Arizona Memorial, but I spent countless hours lying on the beach, soaking up the warm sun and listening to the wind blow through the palm trees. To say I was relaxed would be an understatement. Of course on the flight back to DC we went through some crazy turbulence that turned the plane into a roller coaster ride for about 15 minutes and my calm disappeared in an instant. But it was great while it lasted. I hate to admit it, but when the pilot finally announced that we were past the turbulence I quietly whispered to myself...

Shaka